Hola!
Welcome to our weekly micro rants.
Every time I get sick, or something comes up that interrupts the newsletter, I find myself wanting to sell my soul for a perfect immune system. Because I’m a chicken, I won’t be doing that, so I apologize for the delays. I’ll do my best to write a post every week, even if I’m coughing up a lung.
Here are random thoughts and ideas I chewed on this week. I hope you find these tiny rants to be helpful, funny, or they boil your blood.
Rants of the week
Committing to a goal that will help others improves your life. If you are trying to lose weight to feel better, that journey will suck balls. Dieting will feel like hell. Forcing yourself to pick up dumbbells or fucking up your joints on the treadmill can make you quit. It’s better to look like a slob than to suffer. If you choose to lose weight because you want to be around your loved ones longer and because losing the keg will help you think clearer, making your ideas helpful to the masses, then you’ll stick to it. Say hello to large biceps and a wide back. Having the most powerful ‘why’ will help you conquer whatever obstacle lies in front of you.
I’ve been on a self-fat-shaming rant these past few days on Twitter. I can talk shit about obesity because I’m not happy with my current size. I don’t think it’s okay for people to be an unhealthy weight, damn whatever the body-positive groups out there say. Who wants to miss out on walking through nature because they gas out after only a quarter mile? I doubt anyone wants to step off a rollercoaster ride because the damn belt doesn’t go across their big stomach. Millions of Americans are unhappy and unfulfilled because of their weight. A fat person will gain respect for themselves when they stop fucking around and get their health in check.
When you’ve had enough, you no longer tolerate your bullshit habits. It’s not easy to admit you’ve fucked up for so long, but when you do, then you can begin the process of self-healing/improvement.
Creativity in the kitchen only requires adding a few ingredients of your own to a recipe you found on the internet. If it turns out like shit, then you move on. If it turns out delicious, then keep it in your back pocket to impress your spouse, friends, potential baby mommas, and funeral crowds.
Being random isn’t always welcomed. It’s okay to be random only if you’re at home or if you frequent a niche Reddit group. Sometimes, you must blend in with the “normal” folks. We’re social animals and we demand our spaces to be safe from anything abnormal. Any functioning adult should know not to act weird near the normies… or at least I’m the only one who learned this lesson later than most.
Fringe YouTube videos are not excellent sources to debunk popular beliefs. Please stay away from potbelly, close-minded folks who swear that tin foil hats will protect them from COVID-19-causing 5G technology and the lizard people from reading their minds. These people are the reason why rabbit holes are frowned upon.
Fuck the following people or things:
Myself (at least my pathological lying teenage self).
My cravings.
My inability to sleep for 8 hours.
My belly.
My lack of focus.
Alec Baldwin (though his Trump impersonation is a favorite SNL segment of mine).
People who think Stoicism is nothing more than a philosophy for those who white-knuckle through life.
The reptilian overlords who’ve made chicken nuggets and fries cost more than $20.
Enjoy the weekend. Don’t have too much fun.
Until next week,
Adios.